Thankful For Him <3

February 4, 2019

How am I feeling today? I feel happy.

That’s it. That’s how today is, feeling happy (& tired actually lol I’ve been up for a while).

So today Karl and I made it official. We are together. We are going to see where this relationship will take us. We will take it day by day. I am so happy.

This week has been so wonderful to me. His visit here in Jax has brought so much joy into my life that I’ve never felt before (all I meant is it’s a different kind of joy, not that I never felt joy).

Reasons being? The whole time Karl was here I was myself………….. There was no doubt in my mind that I am comfortable being around him and that is such a wonderful feeling. We’ve talked about things I never even talked about to anyone. I wasn’t afraid to tell him things people used to call me crazy, desperate for……………….. HE just let me be. He let me be myself freely and that is as in my previous passages, is the most wonderful thing to gift someone.

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Watching The Sunrise 1.29.2019

I want to remember each moment of this day… or the day leading up to this because it was just pass 12am or so when he asked me if we could make it official………….. That took me by surprise really…………………

It’s so sad sometimes to think that all these nice things that he’s doing for me was unexpected but it shouldn’t be unexpected, that is how things are supposed to be.

I was an hour late in our meet up plan because I was thinking he was going to be late or that he was stuck in his conference and was unable to let me know he was on his way……… You see, this is such a regular occurrence for me that I just grew accustomed to it (sadly)…. I’ve dated guys who made me wait 12 hours, I dated guys who nonchalantly tells me “oh sorry, I didn’t realized you were waiting.” I dated guys who just do their thing without regards to the time I spent waiting when I could have done something else…………… No total regards that my time is being wasted waiting for a text to tell me what’s going on…………………………. I learned to be chill in this moments of waiting…………………. And now I meet this guy who is punctual, who says what he means… He told me he would leave Miami by 12 and should be in Orlando by 3…. And silly silly me for thinking he’s going to text me when he leaves and let me know if he’s done with the conference……….. 2pm comes along no text…I’m still so Chill, “Aww he’s probably having a good time in the conference, but I’m ok here i’m spending time with D & D, maybe he doesn’t want to bother me either.” This mindset is kind of making me sad………….. Haha I am numb from people not respecting my time that that’s the kind of mindset I have while waiting on someone………… Karl actually didn’t realized that I was waiting for a text that he was coming because in his mind, I should have known he was on his way……………. Yes I know Him and I need to work on our communication but to be honest, there was nothing wrong with what he did. It was me………. I was so used to people taking my time for granted that that’s what I expected from him……………………………. It wasn’t until Destinie asked me if I was sure… that I should just text him and ask… so I did….. His response “Yes ETA 3PM” like we talked about………………… I was an hour away and was still at the restaurant…I’m just so touched and amused that this guy actually respected my time………….. He didn’t even go to the conference anymore coz he wouldn’t make it on time to meet me at 3pm………………………. Who does that? WHO FREAKIN DOES THAT? NO ONE EVER CARED TO MEET ME ON TIME IF THERE WAS SOMETHING ELSE THEY ARE DOING!!! NO ONE………………. That kind of person exist? That kind of person who thinks meeting me was important..……… HE put seeing me first before anything else……………………… & I was so used to people making me wait that I ended up making him wait………………………….. The whole 1 hour drive I had I was thinking of ways to apologize, my excuses… but I couldn’t come up with a good one. I couldn’t think of anything because he didn’t deserve that………………………….. I said sorry and he said “it’s okay, are you ready?” I set my things in our room and he hugs me. He hugs me so tightly as if all that mattered was that I was there, nothing else mattered………. There was no drama, no guilt tripping, no why what happened……….. He was just happy I was there………

This person exist? All I can think about was how can I repay him for all his kindness… all I can do is to appreciate him for who he is. To give thanks to all that he does……… to appreciate him…..

It makes me feel so sad writing this. I can’t believe that he’s so sweet and nice. That the kind of guy I used to dream about is here existing right before my eyes. We shared so many moments together in just those little times that we had, can you imagine having a lifetime of days like that? I want to believe that that kind of Love can exist for me for a lifetime…………. All I need to do is be grateful for each moments we have.. That’s it. Just need to be super grateful.

So as our afternoon continues, we go to see Orlando eye. I hug him as we walked…….. He offered his arms and I obliged whilst still hugging him. Haha I just couldn’t get enough about how freaking grateful I was!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT while in line to go to the Orlando Eye Ferris Wheel was “I LIKE THIS GUY so much” on repeat!

Well, as always, thank you so much for reading my thoughts. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Love always.

Yours Truly Yours,

Piawia <3

 

February 4, 2019 <3

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