Words Hurt and They Don’t Go Away

The other day I was going through my Social Media and I ran across someone’s post of words of encouragement and support. I looked at the photo and remembered the times that person put me down and I thought “Yeah right!”

Seeing that post from that person made me remember all of the discouraging things people have said to me, “Oh yeah You won’t take it anymore because it’s too hard huh?”, Or “I hurt you? Use that hurt to make yourself stronger” or words like “You’re just like this person I can’t take it” or “Oh you guys are going out? He asked me first but I said no, I’m happy for you though,” or “I feel sorry for you, I really do.”

Most of these words came from people I used to be super close with. It was like they knew all my weakness and used it against me in one blow. After these words were spoken I never really reached out to them again. I thought, “I’m over it, I’m just never going to talk to them ever again and life will be a bliss.” No no no, that is not what happened. I never worked through them. I simply just eliminated the person but not the problem!

The problem is that I let people affect me. I let their words run through me like it’s meant to flow inside me. It lingers on me, I once had a boyfriend who broke up with me because his friend thought “she’s not popular enough”! Do you know how long and how many times I brought that up to people! (HAHA) Too many dang times!

Who cares if people think you aren’t good enough? Who cares if they think you aren’t strong enough? Who cares if they think you are weak?

The thing is, I need,to remind myself, these people said those things about me because it was more of a reflection of how they saw themselves. They wanted to make themselves feel better by pointing out what they thought was true about me. They probably didn’t even know what they said and I’ve probably done this too.

I just wanted to make sure that I am not taking them too personally anymore. I wanted to make sure that if I see them in person or their post on social media, I would think “GOOD for them” instead of being bitter.

I wanted to release myself from their judgment and so here I am being more open about them and letting people know that words hurt and it stays with people!

I’ll do my part too. I’ll do my best to say only nice things. To say only encouraging things and see that the words I say and the negative thoughts I have of others are most likely a reflection of what I feel inside. I need to let that shit go! lol

So If you recognize these things on here, Dude, I forgive you and I hope you forgive me too! BUT most importantly forgive yourself, forgive them and stop being bitter. That is what I’m working through now.

Words can stay with you if you don’t decide to let it go! 

Love always,

Pia

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Is it really the worst thing?

TWO DAYS! I gave that anxiety two days of my life! Two anxious filled days about a situation/incident that hasn’t even occurred yet. I feel that I lost those two days trying to figure out how to deal with the problem that could come up. I feel that I lost those two days.

There was a change in assignments at my day job and it created a hysterical person in me. I was anxious. I was told it was the worst thing that could happen. I was told this was one of the reason why someone quit the job. I was told it was difficult. I was told it was repetitive and too stressful. That was what was being assigned to me!

I created world wind scenarios in my head. I was recalling some past events in my life when I was overly worked and overlooked by my co-workers. I was anxious. “I DON’T WANT HISTORY TO REPEAT ITSELF”, I thought to myself, while planning out my escape plan! Two days, I gave that two days of stress – nothing is happening yet!

Karl, my boyfriend, desperately looking for a solution for me. I was defensive, angry and alone. I didn’t what a solution, THERE IS NO SOLUTION! Oh the agony of it all – nothing is happening yet, I was anxious.

He said, “I feel like I lose you every time you’re anxious.” He wasn’t trying to fix my problem, he wanted me back and I wanted the same. I lost myself for those two days for something that’s not even happening. I stepped back a little bit to realize that I was losing myself. I wanted to enjoy my days. I wanted to not worry but worry won me over those two days.

We were listening to an audiobook, Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can’t Stand Positive Thinking by Oliver Burkeman. In the book, he mentions Eckhart Tolle, a spiritual teacher, who had a question “Do you have a problem right now?”. That question hit me, thankfully it did! I’m worrying about something in the future that may or may not even happen. I forgot to live in the moment; I made the future more important than what’s happening now.

After learning Karl’s fears and thoughts about my troubles I realized that I wasn’t focusing on the now. We were after all on a trip of a lifetime and I was there pondering on work issues that may or may not even happen. The sun was setting, the clouds were aligning, ducks were swimming on the lake and the water was red from the reflection of the sunset. I couldn’t enjoy them 100 percent. Thankfully, I was able to get back in the moment to realign myself with the world around me.

I also had to remind myself that even if all my worries do come, it wouldn’t be the worst thing that could happen to me. That even if they come, I will be able to handle them. I have a choice to accept and not accept what I would like to keep in my life, no matter what. I have a choice to dwell on things or to figure out solutions for when they come – but not now!

Do I have a problem right now, this very moment? I answered “NO” & my worries and anxiety left. I freed myself from that, giving me an opportunity to enjoy my time with Karl wholeheartedly; worry and stress free!

So if there is something bothering you, ask yourself, “Do I have a problem right now?”

IG: @piawiaventures

Positive Vibes Wednesday – 4.17.2019

I’d like to start your Wednesday with some positivism! I intend to post more positive things each week or so! 

So, here is a lovely poem, empowering women to see themselves as the wonderful phenomenal women that we are! 

Phenomenal Woman 

by Maya Angelou 

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size   
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms,
The span of my hips,   
The stride of my step,   
The curl of my lips.   
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,   
That’s me.
I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,   
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.   
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.   
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,   
And the flash of my teeth,   
The swing in my waist,   
And the joy in my feet.   
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
Men themselves have wondered   
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,   
They say they still can’t see.   
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,   
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.   
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.   
When you see me passing,
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,   
The bend of my hair,   
the palm of my hand,   
The need for my care.   
’Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

What a wonderful day it is to be a woman! Yesterday, on my way home from work, I was listening to Oprah’s Super Soul Podcast and I ran into this one with her reading Maya Angelou’s poem. In her podcast, she reminds us to be ourselves. She reminds us that our sole goal in life is to be the best selves we can ever be! It’s funny because the chapter in the book I was reading (Girl Stop Apologizing by Rachel Hollis) said the same thing! What a coincidence?! Both Oprah’s podcast and Rachel’s book remind us that our job, especially as women, is to be ourselves, to stop asking for permission to be ourselves, to be true to ourselves. The people who are truly meant to stay and matter in our lives will love us despite them not understanding, despite them not agreeing. Even if you change, the people who truly matter should be the people who will love you for exactly who you are! 

So this is my positive vibes Wednesday! I hope you get inspired and motivated today to be who you truly are. Just be yourself! Be the bravey you want to see in the world! 

Happy Happy Wednesday! ‘Til Next Time! 

Yours Truly Yours, 

Piawia! 

<3

Notes:

  • Phenomenal Woman Poem by Maya Angelou
  • Super Soul Podcast with Oprah Winfrey
  • Girl Stop Apologizing by Rachel Hollis