How to be more consistent with yourself….

March 11, 2019: Today I felt refreshed, oh what a wonderful feeling.

I haven’t been myself lately and it completely took me off guard. I was super euphoric at some point and then bam I was kind of sad.

I want to study mental health more. I want to find out different ways to manage these kind of setbacks.

One of the things I keep hearing from my S.O., people I follow on IG, on YouTube and from people I admire and look up to is the word CONSISTENCY.

Oh you want to start a blog? a vlog? A business? You want to run faster and longer? The answer is consistency.

Being consistent just means showing up, doing what you said you’re going to do even on times you don’t feel like doing it. It’s fighting the curse of excuses and consistently winning over them.

In the beginning of this year, I set out to write something everyday, as much as I can. In the month of January, I was able to fulfill this goal. I wrote every night and I was able to post blogs and share them with my friends and my family. But then it got real. It got to the point where the thoughts I was writing were thoughts I did not feel comfortable enough to share, so I stopped. I was getting the gizz of it all. People were starting to follow me and at some point my page was visited more than 100 times. Why did I stop? I was so courageous and brave, I bought my domain and made my page official but then I stopped? Again, why did I stop? In the month of February, I barely wrote. I posted 2 entries on my page and didn’t share it with friends and family like I did on my other posts.

What stopped me? And what stops a lot of people from fulfilling their goals, their dreams and ultimately living the life they desire?

FEAR! For this question, Fear is the answer. A lot of the excuses that we make up are created to justify our fears. Fear of failing, fear of being ridiculed or not taken seriously, fear of judgment and many other forms of fear. Yes, fear comes in many forms and many times those fears create excuses that stop people from being consistent and firm with their plans and their ideas that ultimately prevents their consistency, leaving them stuck and afraid to move forward.

I set out to be braver this year round and my fear still got to me even with superb support system, being it my family, friends and most especially my S.O. I’ve never felt so supported and yet I still let fear hinder my consistency and most specially my growth.

Fear is truly one of the greatest enemy of consistency.

So how do you fight your fears to become more consistent with your words and your goals?

I have some ideas! I am willing to share them. They have been working for me for the past several weeks and I hope these ideas and concepts will help you be more consistent with achieving your goals:

  1. Knowing that fear is inevitable. With this in mind, I set myself up to success when I accept that fear will be present. I wonder and ponder on what might I be fearing to make up the excuses? My S.O. tells me, “don’t say you know when you really don’t.” You really have to dig deep sometimes. One of the things that helped me thru figuring out what I’m fearing is writing. I write the question, “why am I afraid of ________?” & then answer it. There are times where I would end up writing, “I don’t really fear this” at the end of my writing that leads me to realizing that the fear I have is not true and continue on to do what I set myself out to do.
  2. Lessening the pressure you put on yourself. I created a challenge to run 2 miles a day from February 11th to February 28th. I was fearful I would fail but one of the things that kept me going was reminding myself to not put so much pressure on myself. When I set up my run for the day, I quietly remind myself that “there’s no pressure & to do what I can.” Keeping that in mind put so much ease on my runs making my runs more enjoyable. I decided to share this journey on social media that ultimately led to Friends joining me on the challenge and they asked me what the rules were and I said, “No rules, No pressure.” I’ve been running for 32 days, as of March 14, 2019, way pass the time frame I had originally set out to do. I feel good and I don’t feel drained. My friends are super grateful and are happy they started the challenge too. If I had let fear set in and decided to not share my challenge, I probably wouldn’t have enjoyed it much and my friends wouldn’t have joined me. I set aside my fear of being ridiculed and my fear of failure. Setting them aside gave me the opportunity to share the joy of accomplishments with my friends and inspire people to be more active too. Not having the pressure I put on myself made myself more accountable and motivated.
  3. Be more organized. Try your best to be more organized, with your thoughts, your plans and whatever else is in your life. One night, I decided to create an online calendar, as my S.O. suggested {I talk to him a lot}. At first, I was stubborn and thought “No way!” but as soon as I started that calendar, a whole lot of thoughts and worries went out the window. I guess you carry these things on your mind too, the plans, the events, the commitments and many more. As I released these things to put on my calendar, my mind felt at ease, I don’t have to messed up things & I don’t have to miss any events. I can confidently plan, confidently think of other things, confidently focus on other things knowing that I am organized with my days. I also created tasked that I have been checking off each day that makes me feel accomplished vs it just being another day. Organizing can come in many forms too. The key idea of organizing is to have a clear path where your thoughts are not scattered and ultimately alleviate some of your fears of messing up or missing things, events or commitments.
  4. Trust yourself more. I remind myself this all the time. Part of my anxiety battles were brought about because of my self mistrust. For a while, I didn’t trust myself (at all). I’ve come a long way and realizing that Loving Yourself is Trusting Yourself changed my life {for not only the better but for the best}. Even if you fail, even if you make a mistake, even if people are against it, you have to trust that you did the best you could with whatever resources were presented and were available to you. We are all human, we are wired to fail & wired to overcome them too but when we let our fears fight our battles we really don’t get too far. Being brave and fearless can only happen if you give yourself the trust you deserve! Trust that your talented, Trust that you have something important and meaningful to say. Trust that you can inspire. Trust that you are a wonderful human being. Trust that you can overcome all your fears and Trust that you can be consistent with your plans. Just trust and believe in yourself.
  5. “Replace can’t with maybe.” by Alexi Pappas. There’s no other way to word this. I hear and read a lot about the idea that what you say and what you believe to be is actually what happens and what becomes of you. So every time I say things like “I’m not fast”, “I’m not a writer”, or “I can’t do this”, I replace them with more positive thoughts (when I catch it). I am more aware of the thoughts and words I say about myself. I remind myself of words like “not yet”, inspired by Charlie Rocket, to remind myself that there’s always opportunities for growth and even though it feels and seem unattainable, if you ignore those fears, there’s always a chance: a chance to grow, a chance to be faster, a chance to be better, a chance to be who you want yourself to be. So be inspired, follow people who started from where you think you are and witness them face their fears and fulfill the things you dream of to remind yourself that there is always a chance to “replace can’t with maybe.
  6. Another one that I [try to] do and would like to share is to celebrate every accomplishments. It doesn’t matter how small they are, those accomplishments are meant to be celebrated and be proud of. Small things could lead to big things. The little more that you do the closer you get to your goals, the BIG Things. I feel that by celebrating every accomplishments makes being consistent more enjoyable and less pressured. You finished a book, celebrate! You read 3 pages of a book, celebrate! Be grateful for yourself, for trying and for facing your fears! Celebrate yourself for getting up every morning and be grateful for being able to and being given the opportunity just to do something, anything. Celebrate the idea that you are capable and that you have all the opportunities in the world to do what you love you just have to face your fears!

Continue reading How to be more consistent with yourself….

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Thankful For Him <3

February 4, 2019

How am I feeling today? I feel happy.

That’s it. That’s how today is, feeling happy (& tired actually lol I’ve been up for a while).

So today Karl and I made it official. We are together. We are going to see where this relationship will take us. We will take it day by day. I am so happy.

This week has been so wonderful to me. His visit here in Jax has brought so much joy into my life that I’ve never felt before (all I meant is it’s a different kind of joy, not that I never felt joy).

Reasons being? The whole time Karl was here I was myself………….. There was no doubt in my mind that I am comfortable being around him and that is such a wonderful feeling. We’ve talked about things I never even talked about to anyone. I wasn’t afraid to tell him things people used to call me crazy, desperate for……………….. HE just let me be. He let me be myself freely and that is as in my previous passages, is the most wonderful thing to gift someone.

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Watching The Sunrise 1.29.2019

I want to remember each moment of this day… or the day leading up to this because it was just pass 12am or so when he asked me if we could make it official………….. That took me by surprise really…………………

It’s so sad sometimes to think that all these nice things that he’s doing for me was unexpected but it shouldn’t be unexpected, that is how things are supposed to be.

I was an hour late in our meet up plan because I was thinking he was going to be late or that he was stuck in his conference and was unable to let me know he was on his way……… You see, this is such a regular occurrence for me that I just grew accustomed to it (sadly)…. I’ve dated guys who made me wait 12 hours, I dated guys who nonchalantly tells me “oh sorry, I didn’t realized you were waiting.” I dated guys who just do their thing without regards to the time I spent waiting when I could have done something else…………… No total regards that my time is being wasted waiting for a text to tell me what’s going on…………………………. I learned to be chill in this moments of waiting…………………. And now I meet this guy who is punctual, who says what he means… He told me he would leave Miami by 12 and should be in Orlando by 3…. And silly silly me for thinking he’s going to text me when he leaves and let me know if he’s done with the conference……….. 2pm comes along no text…I’m still so Chill, “Aww he’s probably having a good time in the conference, but I’m ok here i’m spending time with D & D, maybe he doesn’t want to bother me either.” This mindset is kind of making me sad………….. Haha I am numb from people not respecting my time that that’s the kind of mindset I have while waiting on someone………… Karl actually didn’t realized that I was waiting for a text that he was coming because in his mind, I should have known he was on his way……………. Yes I know Him and I need to work on our communication but to be honest, there was nothing wrong with what he did. It was me………. I was so used to people taking my time for granted that that’s what I expected from him……………………………. It wasn’t until Destinie asked me if I was sure… that I should just text him and ask… so I did….. His response “Yes ETA 3PM” like we talked about………………… I was an hour away and was still at the restaurant…I’m just so touched and amused that this guy actually respected my time………….. He didn’t even go to the conference anymore coz he wouldn’t make it on time to meet me at 3pm………………………. Who does that? WHO FREAKIN DOES THAT? NO ONE EVER CARED TO MEET ME ON TIME IF THERE WAS SOMETHING ELSE THEY ARE DOING!!! NO ONE………………. That kind of person exist? That kind of person who thinks meeting me was important..……… HE put seeing me first before anything else……………………… & I was so used to people making me wait that I ended up making him wait………………………….. The whole 1 hour drive I had I was thinking of ways to apologize, my excuses… but I couldn’t come up with a good one. I couldn’t think of anything because he didn’t deserve that………………………….. I said sorry and he said “it’s okay, are you ready?” I set my things in our room and he hugs me. He hugs me so tightly as if all that mattered was that I was there, nothing else mattered………. There was no drama, no guilt tripping, no why what happened……….. He was just happy I was there………

This person exist? All I can think about was how can I repay him for all his kindness… all I can do is to appreciate him for who he is. To give thanks to all that he does……… to appreciate him…..

It makes me feel so sad writing this. I can’t believe that he’s so sweet and nice. That the kind of guy I used to dream about is here existing right before my eyes. We shared so many moments together in just those little times that we had, can you imagine having a lifetime of days like that? I want to believe that that kind of Love can exist for me for a lifetime…………. All I need to do is be grateful for each moments we have.. That’s it. Just need to be super grateful.

So as our afternoon continues, we go to see Orlando eye. I hug him as we walked…….. He offered his arms and I obliged whilst still hugging him. Haha I just couldn’t get enough about how freaking grateful I was!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT while in line to go to the Orlando Eye Ferris Wheel was “I LIKE THIS GUY so much” on repeat!

Well, as always, thank you so much for reading my thoughts. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Love always.

Yours Truly Yours,

Piawia <3

 

February 4, 2019 <3

Best Damn Race – Jax – 2019

How was this race for me?

It was challenging… I haven’t been running much and I feel like I am taking running a little bit for granted. I haven’t been training and yet I challenged myself into running half marathons without training just because in my mind, I CAN. It can be both a good thing and a bad thing depending on what side of my head you are on.

It’s a good thing, because I know what my body is capable of and a good thing because I am always able to finish any race, no matter what distance, I sign up for. Good for me!

& Yet, I feel, as though, I disrespected the race because I know there are people who took their time to train and get ready for these kind of races. Please forgive me. I admire you and all your hard work and I promise I will train and do better on my next races. So BDR, is the last Half Marathon I signed up for, for now, at least for the beginning of this year. No worries, I have a lot more other races lined up for the year but I just wanted to take it easy and reboot myself back into training and getting my running and strength training going.

Best Damn Race did not disappoint. I enjoyed every single moment of it. I was super excited when I got my running packet, with my Bib, my shirt & a pair of SOCKS! It was a bit of a surprise for me to be able to grab a pair of socks in there (HAHA moment). Yes the little things in these races can be very unique and uplifting.

On the day of the race, January 12, 2019:

I woke up at 4:30 A.M. (just thought I’d put that out there because that made me so proud of myself.)

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Books I Skimmed Through Before The Race.
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 An Episode of FRIENDS that I Watched While Getting Ready.

When I got to the Landing, where it started, I got a sense of excitement from the people around me. Running events always have that type of vibes anyways. Everyone is so friendly, commenting on my roll of tissue paper, “I should have brought one, I need that.” Of course, I offered. Just a background on that, I have been listening to Coach B on the Nike App and in one of his training sessions, he talked about practicing gratitude for everything during race day; the people that helped organized it, the volunteers, everyone and everything! One of the things he does to show gratitude is by bringing a roll of toilet paper so that there will always be some just in case the race runs out of toilet paper, which happens. So yeah, I brought a roll of toilet paper and left it in the bathroom. It felt amazing to take part on that pass the toilet roll paper goodness. (See the small things always does make a difference.)

Before the race started, as we line up, my friends and I realized that “Whoa, there’s not that many people here today.” My first thought was “OH MY! I’m going to be last.” It’s such a pressure building moment, when it truly doesn’t matter what place you’ll be in the race because all the matters is that you have fun and that the race makes you feel like your time and efforts were all worthwhile. So, I calmed my silly self down and remembered to just enjoy the race!

As the race started, I can feel the adrenaline rushing thru me. I ran with the Jax Galloway crew, which consist of amazing people, by the way. We do the run and walk method that I love. We started the method after the 1 mile mark. Although, I did stop to enjoy the Sunrise! It was rising right over the Hart Bridge, the Green Monster, which is my favorite bridge and it truly made me feel so blessed to be able to take part on this race. I stuck with the group I was with until Mile 9 or so, after that, I couldn’t keep up anymore and fell a bit behind. It’s ok, the race is full of supportive and motivated individuals that kept me motivated and determined.

This is my first time doing a BDR race and I must say that the route was one of my faves. You might hear different things from different people but I think it was one of the best I participated in (but don’t listen to me, I like most of the racing routes I participate in, anyways). As I approached the part of the route that I normally run on a regular basis, I felt at home, “This is 1 mile away from my destination.” I do somewhat have that last part of the route memorized by feel because it was my normal route when I run on my lunch breaks or in the mornings. It felt good and it felt like I could finish strong……. (I walked a lot, lol) As I go through the elevated part of the race and the down inclines, it felt nice and amazing but I still walked a little bit after that and ran a little bit more when I was closer to the finish line.

& Just like in any other races, seeing that finish line, is an amazing feeling. I grabbed my medal and grabbed my water and see my friends who were waiting for me. “Wait you didn’t take a picture here yet.”, one of my friends remembered. Ha! & that is why I love participating in races, it is full of dedicated, motivated, loving, wonderful people who are always there to encourage you to keep going! The end.

As always, thank you for reading my thoughts. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Love always.

Yours Truly Yours,

Piawia <3