I’m ok with who I am!

I’m ok with who I am!

Repeat after me: I’m ok with who I am! 10x

My friends, it’s time! It’s time for us to stop comparing, to stop wanting something to be something else! It’s time for us to be happy with who we are now.

I was listening to Joel Osteen’s podcast, Be Comfortable With Who You Are , he talked about running your own race.. being able to celebrate others without feeling like you have to catch up… he told a story about how he focused so much on passing someone while on a run he didn’t realized he was 6 blocks away from his house! That’s what happens when you focus on other people’s race. You make it longer for you to reach your destination.

The podcast inspired me to write about being happy with who we are!

• Do you not feel happy with who you are?

• Do you find yourself always wanting to change?

• Do you find yourself always comparing yourself and your journey from others?

Well, if your answer is yes to any of the questions above, you need to stop it! Stop it already!

God created us to be exactly who we are.

Everyone was created to fulfill a purpose that is different for everyone! No one is ever more special than you to God. We are all equal in his eyes. He doesn’t care if you make the most money or if you have all the degrees in the world! He only cares about how and what you do with your life’s purpose.

The more you love yourself the more you open yourself up to God’s purpose for you!

Remind yourself everyday to Love every single bit of you, from your body to your mind and to your soul & spirit! It’s you, it’s always been you!

You don’t have to be the skinniest or the fastest, the smartest or the prettiest! What matters is what’s in your heart and that you be the best you you can ever be.

A heart filled with love will be much more beneficial for you than a heart filled with discontent.

Everyday, every minute repeat the mantra: I am ok with who I am!

Every time doubt cripples in: I am ok with who I am!

Every time you feel behind: I am ok with who I am!

Every time someone mocks you, disrespects you: I am ok with who I am!

Keep that in mind: I am ok with who I am!

What’s for you will be for you! You just have to love YOU and let the rest flow naturally!

xoxo

@piawiaventures!

I’m ok with who I am! I’m ok with who I am!
Once we accept ourselves unconditionally, no matter where we are, it will feel like home. Self Love

Reference:

Joel Osteen, Podcast “Be Comfortable With Who You Are”

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/joel-osteen-podcast/id137254859?i=1000444682756

Melody Beatle, Journey to the Heart, Daily Meditation on the Path to Freeing Your Soul

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Marathon Training – Week 5 #roadtoberlinmarathon

Hello All!

Week 5 just ended for me and I feel super accomplished! With 3 very successful weeks, I am on a roll!

Day 1: Rest Day! Slept until my body told me to wake up. I dropped my mom off to work, vacuumed my car, went to starbucks, went grocery shopping, meal prepped, work prepped and video chatted with my S.O. What a productive rest day it was!

Day 2: I prepared my mind for this morning run, 5 miles, to be exact. I got to the park and “tried” to keep a steady pace. It’s really hard to be at one pace but I am getting there. I’m still running 11 – 12 mins per mile.

Day 3: Rest Day! Of course spent the whole day at work

Day 4: 4 Miles: I don’t quite recall how this actually went but I bet it was a good one! Lol

Day 5: Couldn’t sleep the day before. I contemplated doing the 2nd 5 mile easy run of the week in the afternoon. My alarm went off at 4:45 AM (yikes, that’s not happening) and then again at 5:00 AM, contemplated so hard around this time but decided that I am pretty wide awake anyways, I’ll just drink some coffee and have a snack! I haven’t been drinking coffee before my 6am runs so this was the first! I thought, “instead of 5, I’ll just do 4 today, sleep better tonight and run my 5 miles tomorrow.” (Yes, you can do that! You can switch off the days as long as you do the runs!) So I did my regular 4 mile route but as I was running I think the coffee was starting to kick in and ended up running the 5 miles that was scheduled!! Coffee saved the day! I really like to emphasized on this day because I really thought I couldn’t do it. I managed to run the last mile the fastest that day. It was a good feeling. I felt really accomplished and proud of myself.

Day 6: I couldn’t sleep right away again, although, I did sleep a little bit earlier than the previous day. I got to the park a little bit later than usual. I didn’t drink any coffee because I did not feel as tired waking up. I ran the 4 miles and got done with a couple of minutes before needing to get ready for work! What an amazing accomplishment it was! I did some stretches and some foam rolling.

Day 7: Last Day of Week 5, 6 Miles in the book! I planned to run later than usual (it’s the weekend after all) but my body woke up at 5:30 AM and I was able to start my run at 6am! I was surprised to not see many runners (It’s not a holiday weekend, yet!) I thought this run was gonna be slower than usual because it is much longer than what I’ve been running but I kept a steady pace!

Week 5 was a success! Week 6 on the schedule looks a little scary! Wish me luck!

 

<3 Piawia!

Follow me on IG: @piawiaventures

 

 

 

On to the Next Thing… Berlin Marathon 2019

I’m about to start my Marathon Training for the 2019 Berlin Marathon! 

What are my thoughts? 

  • I’m incredibly nervous that I’m going to slack off and just not do any of the training. (I did slack off a little bit for my Chicago Marathon training last year. Instead of running a lot, I did yoga a lot! LOL Well, it gave me a profound experience with yoga and I enjoyed every bit of it anyways. But this year, I’m going to run more and do yoga and other cross-training I could think of.) 
  • I’m incredibly nervous about injuring myself. (My right leg hasn’t been itself since that one Pole fitness class and I’ve been trying to recover since. It’s getting better though.) 
  • I’m incredibly nervous about Florida weather! It’s so HOT outside already! (I just need to start running in the morning which means sleeping earlier and waking up earlier. I can do that. I just need to be more consistent.) 
  • Will I be more prepared this time around? (I do still have plenty of time. I really need to stop putting so much pressure on myself coz it makes me not want to do anything at all. Writing helps, as I am going thru the lists of my thoughts, it helps to narrow them down and have a more organized focus on things that I am worrying about. lol) 
  • Should I try to PR? (I should at least try, right?. I am in better shape now than when I started training for Chicago Marathon 2018. At least, I also know what I am getting myself into so I can be more prepared and ready.)
  • I want to enjoy this race and experience even more than I enjoyed Chicago. (I’ll prepare more travel planning. I really didn’t do any of that for Chicago. So we didn’t get to see the city for the beauty it was. I can’t wait. I’m going to see so many beautiful things in Berlin and I already feel myself wanting to stay or go back soon. I know I know! I haven’t even book my flight yet but if you know me well my excitement about beautiful places starts early and last a lifetime.) (Side Note: Italy is still my favorite, as of May 17, 2019) 
  • What should I eat? How should I healthily fuel my body for the many training and the actual marathon itself? (I really want to be more educated nutrition wise. I want to not depend so much on artificial things that are unhealthy and not necessary. I encountered a really nice podcast (https://jayshetty.me/dr-daniel-amen/) that talks about our brain! It really made me think of everything that I do and what I feed my body. Yes! Listen to that Podcast! It’s pretty cool. So after listening to that podcast, I’ve been very mindful about taking care of my brain, myself! One of the things it talks about is only doing things that is good for your brain and that includes eating healthy brain boosting foods! So yeah that’s one of the things I’ve been working on.)
  • So with that in mind, Should I stop drinking alcohol again this time around like I did for my Chicago Training?  Ha! I still have 2 bottles of wine that are super unopened! lol Maybe they will be the last ones I’ll drink. IDK. Alcohol is not good for your brain and I believe not drinking helped me with my training last year because I was able to keep my body super hydrated and on the weekends where I did drink some alcohol I ended up being lethargic for a whole week, making training a bit harder. So Yeah. I think I’m leaning towards not drinking again for this training. lol 

Anyways, these are just some of my thoughts before I start my Marathon Training next week. It’s going to be amazing and exciting and also very nerve wracking! Please wish me luck! I’m going to need plenty of positive vibes! 

Thanks guys and ladies for reading my thoughts! I hope you enjoyed it! 

Please Like, Share, Follow and Leave me a Comment! 

~ Yours Truly Yours, 

Piawia!  

 

 

Some Notes: 

The Amazing Mom That You Are!

Yeah! You!

You Amazing Mom

Who brought all of us into life.

You Amazing Mom

Who stood up for us when we couldn’t, YET!

You Amazing Mom

Who knew our pain when no one else did!

You Amazing Mom

Who stayed up with us to make sure we’re ok through the night

You Amazing Mom

Who gave up time for yourself to spend time with us.

You Amazing Mom

Who stands in front of us

No Rest

No Sleep

You stand here with a smile

Ready to face another battle of life with us.

We admire your unconditional love for us, your passion to keep us all alive!

To all the moms, new and old, soon-to-be’s and one day will be, you are amazing.

Thank you for all you do!

Special thanks to the moms in my life that inspires me and challenges me to be a better person.

Special thanks to my mom for showing me everyday what it means to unconditionally love someone.

Special thanks to my sister and sister-in-law for bringing so much joy in our lives.

(Belated) Happy Mother’s Day to all! (Better Late Than Never)

Thank you all for reading my thoughts!

~Always be kind and always choose love!~ 

Yours Truly Yours,

Piawia!

Aha Moment – 5.10.2019

Realizing that being mindful of the things I say is very important. 

Especially about the things that I say about myself. 

I am creating a safe place for myself [in my mind], where I can be myself always: no judgment & no shame just Trust & Love. 

This moment gave me the opportunity to change my views & to (work towards) loving myself more. An opportunity to create a world for myself where the Universe is not the only one that has my back but a world where I have my back too. 

 ~ Always Be Kind and Always Choose Love ~ 

Love Always,                                                                                                                                            Pia 

Some quotes for guidance into creating a world of love for yourself:

“Transformation starts with how we use our words – how we speak our story to others and ourselves.” – Heatherash Amara, Warrior Goddess Training 

“Be impeccable with your words.” – don Miguel, Four Agreements [faultless, flawless, guiltless]

“Any opinion not presented in Love should not be considered.” – Rachel Hollis, Girl, Stop Apologizing. [may it be from you or others]

“What comes out of your mouth comes into your life, so choose your words wisely.” – Jen Sincero, You Are A Badass Everyday

“There is no more powerful motivation than to feel we’re being used in the creation of a world where love has healed all wounds.” – Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love 

Keep on Writing…

{lol} This is an actual question, Because I don’t know how to start writing again.

I lost track of myself. In the beginning of the year, I set out to write something every single day and then I stopped. All of a sudden, I stop writing materials that felt good and ’til this day I don’t know what to write but I feel like I need to. I want to be able to reach people and be an inspiration but How Do I Do THAT if I don’t feel fully inspired to do so?

It’s not like my life has completely changed. It’s just that I feel as though my fear of failure to do this is making me doubt everything. Or I don’t feel as though I am inspiring or motivating to people.

And Then, 

I just watched a video about becoming an inspiration. It was a video with Eric Feng, an influencer.  He had an epiphany when one of his mentors told him that social media is not about shining the light on himself but shining the light on others. You don’t become an influencer by  just doing things you think people would like but by showing people you care! and it hit me, I have been doing this thing all wrong too.

I was worried about not becoming legit, not being real, not being liked that I forgot that the purpose of this page was to inspire others to get out there and live their lives. The purpose of this page was to inspire others to find themselves and to learn how to love themselves more deeply and more unconditionally. This page was created to teach people how to forgive themselves, believe in themselves and generally learn to be who they truly are.

I am a believer of manifesting greatness in your life by first finding your true self and you can only do that when you learn to love yourself unconditionally.

I am not in that state 100 percent and there is a chance that I will always doubt myself and there is a chance that I will forget why I created this page in the first place but I trust that I am surrounded by amazing people who will keep me on track. I trust that the Universe will always show me the way because JUST LIKE YOU, I know that I am here for a greater purpose and maybe for me, it’s writing to you, being my true self just so you can be inspired to be brave and finally be who you are. Maybe that’s what will keep me going. Maybe that’s what will keep you going.

Nevertheless, I will keep on writing.

I will keep on posting things in my life that ultimately show you how to love yourself. Maybe one day, You Will Be The One to remind ME of what this page is all about!

After all, We Are All In This Together, as per that song that my friends don’t like from our working at Kohls days! lol

Well! Thank you for reading this random thought!

Please like and subscribe! Share and Spread the Words of LOVE in your daily lives! May it be with this page or any other way! It doesn’t matter. If this post inspired you in any way, I know I’ve done something amazing today!

& If you have any tips on how to keep me going, please don’t hesitate to leave me a comment or send me an e-mail (any advice, inspirations, motivations are all welcome!).

So again, Thank You & Have a Wonderful Life Always!

Be Kind & Be Love! 

Yours Truly Yours,

Pia!

Notes:

Here is the inspiring video of Eric Feng (Shout Out to My Sister for Sending Me This Video! Thank you, Ate Etet!) 

 

& Here is the song my friends don’t like (that ultimately inspired this post) 

 

 

Positive Vibes Wednesday – 4.17.2019

I’d like to start your Wednesday with some positivism! I intend to post more positive things each week or so! 

So, here is a lovely poem, empowering women to see themselves as the wonderful phenomenal women that we are! 

Phenomenal Woman 

by Maya Angelou 

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size   
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms,
The span of my hips,   
The stride of my step,   
The curl of my lips.   
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,   
That’s me.
I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,   
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.   
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.   
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,   
And the flash of my teeth,   
The swing in my waist,   
And the joy in my feet.   
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
Men themselves have wondered   
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,   
They say they still can’t see.   
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,   
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.   
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.   
When you see me passing,
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,   
The bend of my hair,   
the palm of my hand,   
The need for my care.   
’Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

What a wonderful day it is to be a woman! Yesterday, on my way home from work, I was listening to Oprah’s Super Soul Podcast and I ran into this one with her reading Maya Angelou’s poem. In her podcast, she reminds us to be ourselves. She reminds us that our sole goal in life is to be the best selves we can ever be! It’s funny because the chapter in the book I was reading (Girl Stop Apologizing by Rachel Hollis) said the same thing! What a coincidence?! Both Oprah’s podcast and Rachel’s book remind us that our job, especially as women, is to be ourselves, to stop asking for permission to be ourselves, to be true to ourselves. The people who are truly meant to stay and matter in our lives will love us despite them not understanding, despite them not agreeing. Even if you change, the people who truly matter should be the people who will love you for exactly who you are! 

So this is my positive vibes Wednesday! I hope you get inspired and motivated today to be who you truly are. Just be yourself! Be the bravey you want to see in the world! 

Happy Happy Wednesday! ‘Til Next Time! 

Yours Truly Yours, 

Piawia! 

<3

Notes:

  • Phenomenal Woman Poem by Maya Angelou
  • Super Soul Podcast with Oprah Winfrey
  • Girl Stop Apologizing by Rachel Hollis

How to be more consistent with yourself….

March 11, 2019: Today I felt refreshed, oh what a wonderful feeling.

I haven’t been myself lately and it completely took me off guard. I was super euphoric at some point and then bam I was kind of sad.

I want to study mental health more. I want to find out different ways to manage these kind of setbacks.

One of the things I keep hearing from my S.O., people I follow on IG, on YouTube and from people I admire and look up to is the word CONSISTENCY.

Oh you want to start a blog? a vlog? A business? You want to run faster and longer? The answer is consistency.

Being consistent just means showing up, doing what you said you’re going to do even on times you don’t feel like doing it. It’s fighting the curse of excuses and consistently winning over them.

In the beginning of this year, I set out to write something everyday, as much as I can. In the month of January, I was able to fulfill this goal. I wrote every night and I was able to post blogs and share them with my friends and my family. But then it got real. It got to the point where the thoughts I was writing were thoughts I did not feel comfortable enough to share, so I stopped. I was getting the gizz of it all. People were starting to follow me and at some point my page was visited more than 100 times. Why did I stop? I was so courageous and brave, I bought my domain and made my page official but then I stopped? Again, why did I stop? In the month of February, I barely wrote. I posted 2 entries on my page and didn’t share it with friends and family like I did on my other posts.

What stopped me? And what stops a lot of people from fulfilling their goals, their dreams and ultimately living the life they desire?

FEAR! For this question, Fear is the answer. A lot of the excuses that we make up are created to justify our fears. Fear of failing, fear of being ridiculed or not taken seriously, fear of judgment and many other forms of fear. Yes, fear comes in many forms and many times those fears create excuses that stop people from being consistent and firm with their plans and their ideas that ultimately prevents their consistency, leaving them stuck and afraid to move forward.

I set out to be braver this year round and my fear still got to me even with superb support system, being it my family, friends and most especially my S.O. I’ve never felt so supported and yet I still let fear hinder my consistency and most specially my growth.

Fear is truly one of the greatest enemy of consistency.

So how do you fight your fears to become more consistent with your words and your goals?

I have some ideas! I am willing to share them. They have been working for me for the past several weeks and I hope these ideas and concepts will help you be more consistent with achieving your goals:

  1. Knowing that fear is inevitable. With this in mind, I set myself up to success when I accept that fear will be present. I wonder and ponder on what might I be fearing to make up the excuses? My S.O. tells me, “don’t say you know when you really don’t.” You really have to dig deep sometimes. One of the things that helped me thru figuring out what I’m fearing is writing. I write the question, “why am I afraid of ________?” & then answer it. There are times where I would end up writing, “I don’t really fear this” at the end of my writing that leads me to realizing that the fear I have is not true and continue on to do what I set myself out to do.
  2. Lessening the pressure you put on yourself. I created a challenge to run 2 miles a day from February 11th to February 28th. I was fearful I would fail but one of the things that kept me going was reminding myself to not put so much pressure on myself. When I set up my run for the day, I quietly remind myself that “there’s no pressure & to do what I can.” Keeping that in mind put so much ease on my runs making my runs more enjoyable. I decided to share this journey on social media that ultimately led to Friends joining me on the challenge and they asked me what the rules were and I said, “No rules, No pressure.” I’ve been running for 32 days, as of March 14, 2019, way pass the time frame I had originally set out to do. I feel good and I don’t feel drained. My friends are super grateful and are happy they started the challenge too. If I had let fear set in and decided to not share my challenge, I probably wouldn’t have enjoyed it much and my friends wouldn’t have joined me. I set aside my fear of being ridiculed and my fear of failure. Setting them aside gave me the opportunity to share the joy of accomplishments with my friends and inspire people to be more active too. Not having the pressure I put on myself made myself more accountable and motivated.
  3. Be more organized. Try your best to be more organized, with your thoughts, your plans and whatever else is in your life. One night, I decided to create an online calendar, as my S.O. suggested {I talk to him a lot}. At first, I was stubborn and thought “No way!” but as soon as I started that calendar, a whole lot of thoughts and worries went out the window. I guess you carry these things on your mind too, the plans, the events, the commitments and many more. As I released these things to put on my calendar, my mind felt at ease, I don’t have to messed up things & I don’t have to miss any events. I can confidently plan, confidently think of other things, confidently focus on other things knowing that I am organized with my days. I also created tasked that I have been checking off each day that makes me feel accomplished vs it just being another day. Organizing can come in many forms too. The key idea of organizing is to have a clear path where your thoughts are not scattered and ultimately alleviate some of your fears of messing up or missing things, events or commitments.
  4. Trust yourself more. I remind myself this all the time. Part of my anxiety battles were brought about because of my self mistrust. For a while, I didn’t trust myself (at all). I’ve come a long way and realizing that Loving Yourself is Trusting Yourself changed my life {for not only the better but for the best}. Even if you fail, even if you make a mistake, even if people are against it, you have to trust that you did the best you could with whatever resources were presented and were available to you. We are all human, we are wired to fail & wired to overcome them too but when we let our fears fight our battles we really don’t get too far. Being brave and fearless can only happen if you give yourself the trust you deserve! Trust that your talented, Trust that you have something important and meaningful to say. Trust that you can inspire. Trust that you are a wonderful human being. Trust that you can overcome all your fears and Trust that you can be consistent with your plans. Just trust and believe in yourself.
  5. “Replace can’t with maybe.” by Alexi Pappas. There’s no other way to word this. I hear and read a lot about the idea that what you say and what you believe to be is actually what happens and what becomes of you. So every time I say things like “I’m not fast”, “I’m not a writer”, or “I can’t do this”, I replace them with more positive thoughts (when I catch it). I am more aware of the thoughts and words I say about myself. I remind myself of words like “not yet”, inspired by Charlie Rocket, to remind myself that there’s always opportunities for growth and even though it feels and seem unattainable, if you ignore those fears, there’s always a chance: a chance to grow, a chance to be faster, a chance to be better, a chance to be who you want yourself to be. So be inspired, follow people who started from where you think you are and witness them face their fears and fulfill the things you dream of to remind yourself that there is always a chance to “replace can’t with maybe.
  6. Another one that I [try to] do and would like to share is to celebrate every accomplishments. It doesn’t matter how small they are, those accomplishments are meant to be celebrated and be proud of. Small things could lead to big things. The little more that you do the closer you get to your goals, the BIG Things. I feel that by celebrating every accomplishments makes being consistent more enjoyable and less pressured. You finished a book, celebrate! You read 3 pages of a book, celebrate! Be grateful for yourself, for trying and for facing your fears! Celebrate yourself for getting up every morning and be grateful for being able to and being given the opportunity just to do something, anything. Celebrate the idea that you are capable and that you have all the opportunities in the world to do what you love you just have to face your fears!

Continue reading How to be more consistent with yourself….

Forgive, Forget & Love.

January 13, 2019

Today, I realized that I want to write about so many things. As I am starting to type I couldn’t think of putting all my thoughts into one passage. This weekend blessed me with a God Daughter, a 13.1 Mile Finish, a Bullseye, a Spotless Clean Car {for my Dad} & a moment with God I haven’t had in a while, all of which made me grateful for life itself!

 

In this blog, I want to write about my Dad. I’ve been meaning to write about this because this is so close to my heart. MY DAD HAD A STROKE. For the very first time in my life my actual fear happened. I always worried about my parents getting sick and worry about what I would do &  what would happen & then it happens. I was overwhelmed with worry & confusion.

With this incident, I learned a lot about myself and what it means to have a family. You see, not many people know this about me, I was losing faith in mine. The day before my Dad had the stroke, I was angry. Angry at the world for not having my back. I preached and I preached about believing in the Universe but yet I was angry with myself for not trusting that my family had my back. My anger and grudge towards my family caused me to distant myself from them for a while. Of course, they did not know this, it’s not their fault. It was something inside me, I know that my family was there deep inside but the surface part of me was so broken I couldn’t see it myself.  

When the stroke happened to my Dad all of my anger and resentments went away. None of those stupid things mattered. I am just happy he is here with us today. I feel like my family and I are much stronger now than ever.

When that happened so many doors opened up for me. My heart was healed and my mind was clearer: none of those things are more important than loving my family no matter what.

When that happened I realized how short life truly is. I realized how much could change in a day, in an hour, in a minute, in seconds.

When that happened I realized to be grateful for what I have, for what is, for what was and for what is there to come.

When that happened I realized how important it is to learn to love others unconditionally by learning to love myself unconditionally. A different view in life came to me telling me the right way to love someone {I have my Mom to thank for that}.

When that happened I was faced with the reality that I have been selfish.

When that happened I was face with the reality that no one is perfect and that everyone is just doing the best that they could.

When that happened I realized how much my family means the world to me.

When that happened I realized that I was so broken and inflicting all my wounds to my family.

There are many many more things I learned in just that one day. That one moment that changed my life. That one moment that made me want to cherish my time with my parents, to cherish moments of joy and laughter with my family. That one moment that made me realized that I had to heal for others. That one moment that changed my life is the moment I thought I could lose my FATHER. (He is ok, by the way)

“It takes us losing something, someone, ourselves or time to truly appreciate what we once took for granted. I don’t want loss to be the eye opening moment anymore. Why are we so blind to good things?” – Kyle Fasel

Learn to heal yourself instead of inflicting your pain onto others. Learn to heal yourself so that you may cherish the most important people in your life the right way. Learn to heal yourself so that you won’t have any regrets. Learn to heal yourself so that you may help others heal themselves. Learn to heal yourself because you are the only one that could.

My love for my family is an epitome of trust, acceptance (for what is) & forgiveness. Without them my world will never be the same.

 

FORGIVING OUR PARENTS, OUR FRIENDS, OURSELVES

“The holiest of all spots on earth is where an ancient hatred has become a present love.” – A Return to Love, Marianne Williamson.

As always, Thank you for taking a moment to read my thoughts.

Yours Truly Yours,

Piawia.

Thankful For Him <3

February 4, 2019

How am I feeling today? I feel happy.

That’s it. That’s how today is, feeling happy (& tired actually lol I’ve been up for a while).

So today Karl and I made it official. We are together. We are going to see where this relationship will take us. We will take it day by day. I am so happy.

This week has been so wonderful to me. His visit here in Jax has brought so much joy into my life that I’ve never felt before (all I meant is it’s a different kind of joy, not that I never felt joy).

Reasons being? The whole time Karl was here I was myself………….. There was no doubt in my mind that I am comfortable being around him and that is such a wonderful feeling. We’ve talked about things I never even talked about to anyone. I wasn’t afraid to tell him things people used to call me crazy, desperate for……………….. HE just let me be. He let me be myself freely and that is as in my previous passages, is the most wonderful thing to gift someone.

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Watching The Sunrise 1.29.2019

I want to remember each moment of this day… or the day leading up to this because it was just pass 12am or so when he asked me if we could make it official………….. That took me by surprise really…………………

It’s so sad sometimes to think that all these nice things that he’s doing for me was unexpected but it shouldn’t be unexpected, that is how things are supposed to be.

I was an hour late in our meet up plan because I was thinking he was going to be late or that he was stuck in his conference and was unable to let me know he was on his way……… You see, this is such a regular occurrence for me that I just grew accustomed to it (sadly)…. I’ve dated guys who made me wait 12 hours, I dated guys who nonchalantly tells me “oh sorry, I didn’t realized you were waiting.” I dated guys who just do their thing without regards to the time I spent waiting when I could have done something else…………… No total regards that my time is being wasted waiting for a text to tell me what’s going on…………………………. I learned to be chill in this moments of waiting…………………. And now I meet this guy who is punctual, who says what he means… He told me he would leave Miami by 12 and should be in Orlando by 3…. And silly silly me for thinking he’s going to text me when he leaves and let me know if he’s done with the conference……….. 2pm comes along no text…I’m still so Chill, “Aww he’s probably having a good time in the conference, but I’m ok here i’m spending time with D & D, maybe he doesn’t want to bother me either.” This mindset is kind of making me sad………….. Haha I am numb from people not respecting my time that that’s the kind of mindset I have while waiting on someone………… Karl actually didn’t realized that I was waiting for a text that he was coming because in his mind, I should have known he was on his way……………. Yes I know Him and I need to work on our communication but to be honest, there was nothing wrong with what he did. It was me………. I was so used to people taking my time for granted that that’s what I expected from him……………………………. It wasn’t until Destinie asked me if I was sure… that I should just text him and ask… so I did….. His response “Yes ETA 3PM” like we talked about………………… I was an hour away and was still at the restaurant…I’m just so touched and amused that this guy actually respected my time………….. He didn’t even go to the conference anymore coz he wouldn’t make it on time to meet me at 3pm………………………. Who does that? WHO FREAKIN DOES THAT? NO ONE EVER CARED TO MEET ME ON TIME IF THERE WAS SOMETHING ELSE THEY ARE DOING!!! NO ONE………………. That kind of person exist? That kind of person who thinks meeting me was important..……… HE put seeing me first before anything else……………………… & I was so used to people making me wait that I ended up making him wait………………………….. The whole 1 hour drive I had I was thinking of ways to apologize, my excuses… but I couldn’t come up with a good one. I couldn’t think of anything because he didn’t deserve that………………………….. I said sorry and he said “it’s okay, are you ready?” I set my things in our room and he hugs me. He hugs me so tightly as if all that mattered was that I was there, nothing else mattered………. There was no drama, no guilt tripping, no why what happened……….. He was just happy I was there………

This person exist? All I can think about was how can I repay him for all his kindness… all I can do is to appreciate him for who he is. To give thanks to all that he does……… to appreciate him…..

It makes me feel so sad writing this. I can’t believe that he’s so sweet and nice. That the kind of guy I used to dream about is here existing right before my eyes. We shared so many moments together in just those little times that we had, can you imagine having a lifetime of days like that? I want to believe that that kind of Love can exist for me for a lifetime…………. All I need to do is be grateful for each moments we have.. That’s it. Just need to be super grateful.

So as our afternoon continues, we go to see Orlando eye. I hug him as we walked…….. He offered his arms and I obliged whilst still hugging him. Haha I just couldn’t get enough about how freaking grateful I was!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT while in line to go to the Orlando Eye Ferris Wheel was “I LIKE THIS GUY so much” on repeat!

Well, as always, thank you so much for reading my thoughts. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Love always.

Yours Truly Yours,

Piawia <3

 

February 4, 2019 <3