The other day I was going through my Social Media and I ran across someone’s post of words of encouragement and support. I looked at the photo and remembered the times that person put me down and I thought “Yeah right!”
Seeing that post from that person made me remember all of the discouraging things people have said to me, “Oh yeah You won’t take it anymore because it’s too hard huh?”, Or “I hurt you? Use that hurt to make yourself stronger” or words like “You’re just like this person I can’t take it” or “Oh you guys are going out? He asked me first but I said no, I’m happy for you though,” or “I feel sorry for you, I really do.”
Most of these words came from people I used to be super close with. It was like they knew all my weakness and used it against me in one blow. After these words were spoken I never really reached out to them again. I thought, “I’m over it, I’m just never going to talk to them ever again and life will be a bliss.” No no no, that is not what happened. I never worked through them. I simply just eliminated the person but not the problem!
The problem is that I let people affect me. I let their words run through me like it’s meant to flow inside me. It lingers on me, I once had a boyfriend who broke up with me because his friend thought “she’s not popular enough”! Do you know how long and how many times I brought that up to people! (HAHA) Too many dang times!
Who cares if people think you aren’t good enough? Who cares if they think you aren’t strong enough? Who cares if they think you are weak?
The thing is, I need,to remind myself, these people said those things about me because it was more of a reflection of how they saw themselves. They wanted to make themselves feel better by pointing out what they thought was true about me. They probably didn’t even know what they said and I’ve probably done this too.
I just wanted to make sure that I am not taking them too personally anymore. I wanted to make sure that if I see them in person or their post on social media, I would think “GOOD for them” instead of being bitter.
I wanted to release myself from their judgment and so here I am being more open about them and letting people know that words hurt and it stays with people!
I’ll do my part too. I’ll do my best to say only nice things. To say only encouraging things and see that the words I say and the negative thoughts I have of others are most likely a reflection of what I feel inside. I need to let that shit go! lol
So If you recognize these things on here, Dude, I forgive you and I hope you forgive me too! BUT most importantly forgive yourself, forgive them and stop being bitter. That is what I’m working through now.
Words can stay with you if you don’t decide to let it go!
My friends, it’s time! It’s time for us to stop comparing, to stop wanting something to be something else! It’s time for us to be happy with who we are now.
I was listening to Joel Osteen’s podcast, Be Comfortable With Who You Are , he talked about running your own race.. being able to celebrate others without feeling like you have to catch up… he told a story about how he focused so much on passing someone while on a run he didn’t realized he was 6 blocks away from his house! That’s what happens when you focus on other people’s race. You make it longer for you to reach your destination.
The podcast inspired me to write about being happy with who we are!
• Do you not feel happy with who you are?
• Do you find yourself always wanting to change?
• Do you find yourself always comparing yourself and your journey from others?
Well, if your answer is yes to any of the questions above, you need to stop it! Stop it already!
God created us to be exactly who we are.
Everyone was created to fulfill a purpose that is different for everyone! No one is ever more special than you to God. We are all equal in his eyes. He doesn’t care if you make the most money or if you have all the degrees in the world! He only cares about how and what you do with your life’s purpose.
The more you love yourself the more you open yourself up to God’s purpose for you!
Remind yourself everyday to Love every single bit of you, from your body to your mind and to your soul & spirit! It’s you, it’s always been you!
You don’t have to be the skinniest or the fastest, the smartest or the prettiest! What matters is what’s in your heart and that you be the best you you can ever be.
A heart filled with love will be much more beneficial for you than a heart filled with discontent.
Everyday, every minute repeat the mantra: I am ok with who I am!
Every time doubt cripples in: I am ok with who I am!
Every time you feel behind: I am ok with who I am!
Every time someone mocks you, disrespects you: I am ok with who I am!
Keep that in mind: I am ok with who I am!
What’s for you will be for you! You just have to love YOU and let the rest flow naturally!
Joel Osteen, Podcast “Be Comfortable With Who You Are”
I’ve been so focused on my runs that I haven’t had a chance to produce a blog about self love and relationships. So this is my first dive on this again.
I wanted to tackle special relationships and holy relationships: concepts derived from the book, A Course in Miracles.
Many people struggle with creating a healthy and loving relationship for themselves, may it be with a significant other, friends, family and even things. I can attest to this because I struggle even up to today with keeping healthy relationships. I’ve read so many books about love and relationships and I feel that they talk about the same exact concepts. But here I break it down into two and discern both concept as best as I could.
I would like to first warn you that I do not have any expertise in relationships. I have not taken any courses or received any certifications or diploma that may deem me as an expert. I am simply sharing the things I learn in hopes that it enlightens someone elses life the way that it did mine.
So here it goes……………………
According to A Course in Miracles (ACIM), there are two types of relationships: the special relationship and the holy relationship. Yes, they both sound completely harmless but I do favor one more than the other. I will let you take a guess…
In this blog, I’m going to talk about both separately. These are completely my own understanding of the two concepts. I’ve been working a lot on creating a healthy lifestyle for myself where I am completely taking care of myself deeply and lovingly. When I read about special relationships in The Universe Has Your Back by Gabby Bernstein, a light bulb turned on for me. I thought: “This is the kind of relationships I’ve been having all these times!” and I wanted to change that. I wanted something better for myself and the people I love. I wanted to keep and maintain a healthy relationship with myself and others. I feel that I’ve created a safe place for myself through reading and learning about special relationships and I am ready to share them.
A special relationship is basically finding your happiness through something outside yourself! It doesn’t necessarily have to be a romantic relationship. It can be anything: friendship, money, things, etc. Special relationships make you feel complete. Special relationships make you romanticize things or a person/people to the point where it feels as though you’re incomplete without them. This is a sign that you are not finding happiness within yourself.
I struggled a lot with special relationships. I was in denial, often times, playing a role of someone who seems strong and independent, someone who didn’t need anyone. I realized that wanting to be that person is different from actually being that person. I’ve managed to play that role for a while until I was forced to face reality. I wasn’t getting any younger and I wasn’t getting any happier either! I depended on people to make me happy. I looked for answers and validation from the people around me. I found comfort with purchasing things I didn’t need. I constantly look for something/someone to fill the holes in my life but ultimately feeling empty once that certain thing/person is gone, being upset when they don’t turn out as planned and jumping from one relationship to the next. That was me but not anymore.
It took a lot of drama, a lot of heartache, a lot of losing friends and fighting with family for me to realize that I wasn’t close to the person I wanted to be, the person I truly am. I was constantly looking for happiness from outside myself. Having this revelation made me ache for something more, more meaningful and more fulfilling. I didn’t want to depend on anything or anyone to make me happy. I wanted to step out of my comfort zone and find out what it truly meant to be truly happy and that is where I found and learned about the HOLY relationship.
Holy Relationship is the one I favor more (a term derived from ACIM). It isn’t holy in religious terms. It’s holy because it is pure love. You are a whole as yourself and you find happiness within yourself despite of whatever you have and don’t have. You don’t depend on others, people or things, to keep yourself happy. You rely on your inner self to be and stay happy.
Being in a Holy Relationship is being in a loving relationship with yourself that ultimately leads to healthier relationships with others. Establishing a holy relationship leads to relationships that feels free, relationships that only requires you to be yourself and allowing others to be themselves too.
As mentioned before, I am not a relationship expert. I still find myself clinging on to things and people. Sometimes it takes me weeks to realize that the reason why someone/something was bothering me so much was because I was holding on too tightly to the idea of happiness something or someone brings into my life. I forget that happiness is within and not something outside myself. I wasn’t having a holy relationship I was having a special relationship and I constantly remind myself of what my relationship goals are and that is to have a Holy Relationship. (Wholly Relationship)
I feel that knowing the differences between Holy and Special relationships help in establishing healthy relationships for yourself and others. Being aware of the differences can help create a path where you could choose which way your relationships could ultimately go. There is no time limit in choosing either, any time you can decide what kind of relationship you want to have. I find that joy is a choice that we make. It’s a decision to free ourselves from looking for love outside ourselves. It’s finding peace from within. I think that is the secret for having and keeping relationships.
Relationships are meant to highlight you as the person that you are, one that is already complete by yourself. It is not meant to fill the emptiness that you feel inside. The emptiness you feel could only be filled by the love you’ll have for yourself.
“You are not incomplete, and no one can complete you. You are eternally, unassailable, undeniably whole.” – Alan Cohen
So, I hope that I shed some light for you. I hope that this leads you to think and evaluate the kind of relationships you want to have in your life.
What kind of relationship would you like for yourself? Did this give you some thoughts about the relationships that you have now? Could there be a person or thing that feels like a special relationship for you? Will you take steps to create more holy relationships in your life?
My only wish is that we could all feel an inch of peace within ourselves even if it takes long. Even if the road can sometimes be so hard and sometimes it’ll feel like you’re alone. In the end, finding yourself and loving yourself is ultimately the best relationship goal you can ever ask for!
I’d like to start your Wednesday with some positivism! I intend to post more positive things each week or so!
So, here is a lovely poem, empowering women to see themselves as the wonderful phenomenal women that we are!
by Maya Angelou
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
It’s in the reach of my arms,
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
It’s the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,
They say they still can’t see.
It’s in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman
Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing,
It ought to make you proud.
It’s in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need for my care.
’Cause I’m a woman
What a wonderful day it is to be a woman! Yesterday, on my way home from work, I was listening to Oprah’s Super SoulPodcast and I ran into this one with her reading Maya Angelou’s poem. In her podcast, she reminds us to be ourselves. She reminds us that our sole goal in life is to be the best selves we can ever be! It’s funny because the chapter in the book I was reading (Girl Stop Apologizing by Rachel Hollis) said the same thing! What a coincidence?! Both Oprah’s podcast and Rachel’s book remind us that our job, especially as women, is to be ourselves, to stop asking for permission to be ourselves, to be true to ourselves. The people who are truly meant to stay and matter in our lives will love us despite them not understanding, despite them not agreeing. Even if you change, the people who truly matter should be the people who will love you for exactly who you are!
So this is my positive vibes Wednesday! I hope you get inspired and motivated today to be who you truly are. Just be yourself! Be the bravey you want to see in the world!